Scavengers Update

(This post originally appeared to my followers on Wattpad. If you would like to check out the sci-fi novel I am working on, click this link.)

Just a quick update on my writing. I apologize that Scavengers is so long. I tend to write a great deal in a short amount of time. The draft that is currently posting is a rough draft. I have yet to edit it. The draft is complete in that it has an ending. I am going to post longer sections from now on, so you get more bang for your buck. That way the finished draft will be available sooner.

In other news, I have been working fervently on a family-friendly fantasy story in the vein of Harry Potter. After spending so much time in the darkness of space, it is nice to do something light and friendlier. Once I’m finished posting Scavengers, I will begin posting that book, called Spellbound Sword, on Mondays and Fridays.

A good question that I imagine people being too timid to ask is, why are you doing this? What’s with all the writing? I’m not exactly sure, but as I read more and write more and feel myself improving, I know that it is important to me. I am not convinced that it will ever be important to other people, but I can always dream. Sometimes we do things purely for ourselves. For the same reason I’ve started going to the gym, I’m going to continue writing every day even if few ever read what I write. I hope you will give my writing a chance, but I know that Scavengers is not for everyone. I look forward to potentially reaching readers of all ages with my next book. While it has a bit of YA awkward romance it is mostly a fantasy-adventure tale. I am trying to include as much humor as possible.

That’s all for now, but thank you again for reading.

Trivago

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Laughing at this Trivago commercial. “Most sites only show you SOME of the hotels.” Okay, so Trivago shows you ALL the hotels, I’m guessing? “Trivago gives you a better overview of the hotels in any area.” How is that different than SOME of the hotels? Who’s the linguistic technician watching Trivago’s hotel selection team shove handfuls of Monopoly hotels into its algorithm port? “How’s it going today, Chuck?” “Not great, but it’s getting better.” “Well, as long that it’s better, that’s all we can ask for. Someday we’ll make this tube big enough that we can shove all the hotels inside. But until that day, better is good enough.” This is why the Trivago hypocrisy division is always on Red Alert.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows

“This will NOT be a good movie,” I say to myself. “The first one was terrible. And you didn’t even see it.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes. When I open them, I realize that I am already in line for the midnight showing on opening night. In my hands are four tickets, one for each turtle. I realize that I have no friends with me. Who would be friends with someone who saw this movie? And yet I have four tickets, each for a consecutive screening of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. The tickets seem to shine in the moonlight, like the golden ticket in the equally good Last Action Hero. I check my watch. I still have time to run to the car and escape. “But it would be rude to the tickets not to use them,” I murmur aloud before entering the theater and purchasing something called a Heroes on the Half Shell Popcorn Combo. It costs me $27.50, a small price considering it comes with a collectable shell-topped bucket. “I really wanted the Donatello bucket,” I murmur, exiting the concessions line, then immediately reentering it. But you can’t just have a Leonardo bucket and a Donatello bucket, I realize, already envisioning all four buckets on my mantle. “You already have popcorn,” says a small child in front of me, turning back to gawk at the man talking to himself about turtles, a single stray puff of popcorn jutting from his beard. “You shut your goddamn mouth,” the child’s father says, before giving me a knowing smile and nod. “Turtle power,” the father says. “Turtle power,” I reply.

CHIMI FUCKING CHANGAS

Movie Review: Deadpool

CHIMI FUCKING CHANGAS

Deadpool stands out from other superhero movies in that its title character is a raging weirdo. He’s not adverse to blasting through a bad guy’s head with bullets, and he has a rabid disregard for other people’s comfort zones. Just like in the comics, Deadpool has the Bugs Bunny ability to break the 4th wall and talk to the audience. He addresses the audience by looking at the camera or narrates with colloquial voice-over. Most of the story is standard superhero origin mumbo-jumbo, but when Deadpool is suited up and the action is piping hot, the movie hits its stride.

In terms of performance, adaptation and realization, Ryan Reynolds’s Deadpool is pitch perfect. The on-screen Deadpool is identical to his comic book counterpart in terms of movement, humor and unpredictability. The tone of the movie can be best described as violent, irreverent and zany, a step beyond The Kingsmen but not quite as wacky as The Mask. Reynolds delights in the role like a kid in an elevator pressing all the buttons. There is a strange seamless chemistry between actor and character, as if the humor of the comics was personally designed for Reynolds’s delivery. It almost goes without saying to praise Reynolds as there is so much non-stop full-force Deadpool voice in the movie that it nearly becomes overwhelming. If only Fox had given the filmmakers enough money to get Hugh Jackman as Wolverine we might have gotten a B-plot somewhere.

The story is so cookie-cutter it almost makes Wolverine look like Hamlet. But the humor is the real driving force here, so your enjoyment of the movie will largely depend on how deeply you know your comic books and how much you enjoy watching Reynolds talk about a bullet hole in his ass. It’s unfortunately an obligatory origin story, paint-by-numbers. Odder still, the romantic and body horror elements of the plot are treated with strange reverence when compared to the Duke Nukem style action sequences. I could have done with more tongue-in-cheek humor during these pseudo-scary moments.

The villain isn’t interesting, but Deadpool’s jokes at his expense make up for it. We’ve got a bajillion X-Men bad guys to choose from and we get this bad guy? He doesn’t even have a clear evil scheme. Stop Deadpool? Avoid Deadpool? Attract Deadpool? The movie veers off into giving side characters screen-time rather than explaining the plot. Then again, do we really need another story about a villain trying to blow up the world? It’s a straight-up grudgematch in Deadpool, and that serves the Merc with a Mouth quite well. There are some logical gaps overlooked to fit the film’s shrinking budget and ballooning insanity, but it all works in a screwball way. The average American filmgoer is pre-programmed to understand superhero origin stories by now, so a tweaked one is a welcome mix-up.

That being said, the jokes could use a little tweaking too. For as much of the comedy works, the screenwriters are fearful to poke fun at Sony and Disney, competing studios that also own Marvel properties. The film could have used its meta-humor to make broader satiric points about the state of superhero movies, but it chose instead to make jests at Reynolds’s expense. It’s self-effacing and funny, but it doesn’t have the same satiric edge as the comics or even The Simpsons. There is a sense that the writers pulled those punches and stuck to X-Men formula to keep the studio happy, which makes sense, but keeps the film from reaching the comedic heights of Tropic Thunder. It also locks the movie’s humor in sophomoric territory without the wit or precision of South Park. It’s more of a scattershot Mel Brooks approach. I’m impressed that the writers managed to give the film any romantic or dramatic tension at all considering how wild it is.

Deadpool himself sticks out like a sore thumb in the movie’s dour blue-grey visuals, and that’s perfect for a character trying to distance himself from the X-Men and their generally humorless heroics. Fans will be pleased that the film does the titular character justice, even if it spends so much time setting up his origins that the rest of the story feels hollow. Though its appeal might be lost on general audiences, there is just enough charm for Deadpool to coast by as a unique and memorable film, if not a particularly meaningful one. It’s worth noting that my friday night crowd was filled with too-young tweens and kids accompanied by their parents, in spite of the film’s gore and nudity. The audience was packed and roaring with laughter at times, so maybe for whatever reason, this is just the right place and right time for Deadpool, Christmas or not.

 

 

 

New: Scavengers Section 24

Click here if you want to read Section 24 of Scavengers, my sci-fi novel. (Or if you’d like to start from the beginning, click here.)

In this chapter, Wiley returns to feed his captive only to discover that she’s lost the will to live. An unlikely saboteur reveals himself.