“This will NOT be a good movie,” I say to myself. “The first one was terrible. And you didn’t even see it.” I take a deep breath and close my eyes. When I open them, I realize that I am already in line for the midnight showing on opening night. In my hands are four tickets, one for each turtle. I realize that I have no friends with me. Who would be friends with someone who saw this movie? And yet I have four tickets, each for a consecutive screening of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Out of the Shadows. The tickets seem to shine in the moonlight, like the golden ticket in the equally good Last Action Hero. I check my watch. I still have time to run to the car and escape. “But it would be rude to the tickets not to use them,” I murmur aloud before entering the theater and purchasing something called a Heroes on the Half Shell Popcorn Combo. It costs me $27.50, a small price considering it comes with a collectable shell-topped bucket. “I really wanted the Donatello bucket,” I murmur, exiting the concessions line, then immediately reentering it. But you can’t just have a Leonardo bucket and a Donatello bucket, I realize, already envisioning all four buckets on my mantle. “You already have popcorn,” says a small child in front of me, turning back to gawk at the man talking to himself about turtles, a single stray puff of popcorn jutting from his beard. “You shut your goddamn mouth,” the child’s father says, before giving me a knowing smile and nod. “Turtle power,” the father says. “Turtle power,” I reply.
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Spider-Man Comedy Podcast!
Do you have Netflix Streaming? Want to try something new? Download my new comedy podcast and commentary track! Simply download the m4a audio file, play it in iTunes or your audio player of choice, and follow the directions. If you’ve ever seen Mystery Science Theater 3000 or listened to RiffTrax, this should be right up your alley. For those poor uninformed masses, here’s the rundown:
- This Spider-Man Comedy Podcast mocks the first episode of the 90’s Spider-Man animated series, available streaming on Netflix.
- The audio file functions as a DVD commentary track to be played while watching the episode of Spider-Man.
- The podcast begins and ends with a sketch. All jokes are written and performed by yours truly, Matt Shore. The podcast was also edited by me. I do not own the rights to anything Spider-related aside from my bug bites.
- In order to ensure that the commentary matches up with the episode, you will have to sync the audio to the video. Lucky for you, I have made the process as simple as possible. Listen to my instructions and wait for me to say “5, 4, 3, 2, 1 – Go!” then press play on Netflix and let the commentary roll.
If you’re interested in more thwips and quips or commentary tracks for any other shows on Netflix streaming or otherwise, feel free to leave a question or a comment below. Thanks, and let me know what you think! Hope it’s funny!
Matt Shore 