Botched Pick-Up Lines

Sometimes on Twitter a magical thing happens. People, unified by love for one particularly comical idea create a hashtag pitch session in which they all contribute the funniest zingers they can imagine to a particular trend or topic as annotated by the formula ‘#bullshit.’ With this in mind, I’d like to share with you my entries into the genre of #botchedpickuplines.

“Is that a mouse in your pocket, or are you just happy to be a transvestite? Either way, I’m interested and desperate.” #botchedpickuplines

“A woman is like a work of art. Inevitably, she’ll be clinging to my mudflaps.” #botchedpickuplines

“Say, who’s your fat friend over there?” #botchedpickuplines

“Are you tired? Because you’ve been running from me in my mind all day.” #botchedpickuplines

“This is the first time I’ve seen a creature as beautiful as you outside of my uncle’s barn.” #botchedpickuplines

“Top five rape fantasies! Go!” #botchedpickuplines

“You’ve never seen Eraserhead ’til you’ve seen it on Roofies.” #botchedpickuplines

“I seduce women like a dairy farmer. How appropriate! You look like a cow.” #botchedpickuplines

“Is your father a baker? Because I’m into anal beads.” #botchedpickuplines

“KNIFE to meet you!” #stab “Whoops.” #botchedpickuplines

“Let’s go see ‘Eat, Pray, Love’ together! I hear bitches like you love that shit.” #botchedpickuplines

“If you were a laser gun, you’d be set to ‘Calibrate Internal Heat Function’ for four hours.” #botchedpickuplines

“ACCEPT MY SEED.” #botchedpickuplines

“You’re the kind of girl who’d like to hear a dark secret revealed immediately after sex, I can tell. So bend over.” #botchedpickuplines

“When you walked in, the entire room lit up. And all the roaches scattered.” #botchedpickuplines

“You’re the most beautiful woman in this entire outhouse.” #botchedpickuplines

“Can I buy you a drink? You look like the kind who’d need one after whatever her father did to her.” #botchedpickuplines

“Do you come here often? To Confession, I mean.” #botchedpickuplines

“Pre-op or post-op?” #botchedpickuplines

“Of course I’m pro-choice. Pulling out is MY choice, isn’t it?” #botchedpickuplines

“Are you an orphan? Because I would kill your parents to bang you.” #botchedpickuplines

“No, I was never actually President. But I did travel around the country with a very interesting slide-show.” #botchedpickuplines

“I just saw the vagina monologues, and you’ve got something I’d like to re-reclaim.” #botchedpickuplines

“Your face reminds me of a great ‘Three Stooges.'” #botchedpickuplines

“Do you believe in love at first sight? Try making eye contact with that other chick over there…” #botchedpickuplines

“I know it seems far-fetched, but I would really like to hump you.” #botchedpickuplines

“Do you believe in soul mates? What about Sasquatch?” #botchedpickuplines

“You remind me of that one song by The Police. EEEEE-OOO-EEEE-OOO!!!” #botchedpickuplines #loudsirennoises

“Hey, you seem mentally retarded. My name is Edward Cullen.” #botchedpickuplines

“Hey there, nerd. Might I interest you in my Big Wang Theory?” #botchedpickuplines

“The only thing that could keep me away from you are the steel bars that currently are.” #botchedpickuplines

“I’m a Shakespeare scholar. Mind if I Ophelia?” #botchedpickuplines

“When I look into your eyes I see the reflection of a very handsome man staring back.” #botchedpickuplines

“You’re the reason cavemen chiseled on walls. One look at you, and you left them no escape.” #botchedpickuplines

“When I’m alone, I feel like half of a sack of shit. You complete me.” #botchedpickuplines

“Did you ever notice your deformity?” #botchedpickuplines

“Love is unpredictable. My psychic told me to tell you that.” #botchedpickuplines

“You could win a beauty pageant, even if no one else entered.” #botchedpickuplines

“What’s a White Castle parking lot like you doing around an okay-looking woman like this?” #botchedpickuplines

“Foreplay can be exciting, so long as you don’t muss my TRON bedspread.” #botchedpickuplines

“The brain is the sexiest organ. Which raises the question – your brain or mine?” #botchedpickuplines

“As long as you’re not into strength or duration, I think we could have something here.” #botchedpickuplines

“Let’s just both keep drinking ’til one of us turns pretty.” #botchedpickuplines

“Ever frenched a guy with detachable teeth?” #botchedpickuplines

“You ladies into bad boys? Hand over your purses. Now.” #botchedpickuplines

“Nice cheekbones. Only they’d look a lot better crumpled up on my bedroom floor…” #botchedpickuplines

“Bet I can guess your weight to within three hundred pounds!” #botchedpickuplines

“You remind me on an Angel. Yep, Angel “Hot Rod” Sanders, fastest dirtbike racer on the track.” #botchedpickuplines

“You’re like Danny Devito’s character in Space Jam. Unforgettable.” #botchedpickuplines

“You’re old enough to be my mother, and it never stopped me before.” #botchedpickuplines

“I couldn’t help but notice you from across the tomb.” #botchedpickuplines

“Your hair smells incredible. Even just this thick clump in my hand…Ahh…” #botchedpickuplines

“Your eyes are like the stars. The light inside them died long before they reached me here tonight.” #botchedpickuplines

“Bet I can guess your race in three gestures!” #botchedpickuplines

“You’re like the Sinead O’Connor of women.” #botchedpickuplines

“I bet you’ve never seen a car like mine before. It’s invisible. We’re in it right now.” #botchedpickuplines

“You remind me of a battleship. Tall, majestic, and soon to be covered in seamen.” #botchedpickuplines

“C’mon, Hillary. I just think after all the campaigning I did, you could wear the beret ONE time.” #botchedpickuplines

Thanks for reading. Hope you enjoyed them. If you’d like to Retweet any of these and share them with your followers, simply click the linked hashtags next to the joke you want to Retweet. Once you’re on the Tweet’s page you can click ‘Retweet’ from there. Let me know if you actually use any of these!