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Game Review: Yakuza 3 Remastered

Kazama Kiryu is back, but his lady love is not, in the third installment of the generally fantastic Yakuza series. Picking up where the previous game ended (but quickly dispatching its female lead for unclear reasons) Yakuza 3 sees Kiryu running a beachside orphanage before being dragged back to Kamurocho, Tokyo for more seedy criminal conspiracies. While Yakuza 3 Remastered provides plenty of the quirky charm that makes this series so lovable, its lack of a strong story and bountiful filler quests make it notably less satisfying than the rest.

Yakuza 1 and 2 were remade beautifully as Yakuza Kiwami 1 and 2. The same cannot be said for Yakuza 3 Remastered, which looks and feels ancient in comparison. The dip in quality should be immediately apparent to anyone playing the rereleases in chronological order. While Kiwami 2 ran on Yakuza’s newest game engine, making the combat and visuals silky smooth, Yakuza 3 looks and feels like a mid-tier Dreamcast game. Some of the cutscenes weren’t polished up for this supposed “remaster,” meaning you’ll occasionally see important story beats presented in stunning standard definition. When you get past the visual issues, the awkward storytelling is another reminder that this game could have used some Kiwami polish to bring it up to speed.

As aforementioned, the previous game’s romance is nixed with little fanfare. Kiwami 2 spent numerous cutscenes solidifying Kiryu and Sayama’s romance, only to have her written off as a self-serving career-chaser in Yakuza 3. In a series that murderers its sidekicks left and right, couldn’t they have found a more tragic or interesting method of dispatching Sayama at the very least? Perhaps her death could have motivated Kiryu’s return to his old Kamurocho stomping grounds. But no, she’s lazily shuffled off to the side, so everyone can romanticize the importance of Daigo, a character who almost feels like a Mary Sue for how often he’s referenced without ever doing anything meaningful.

Before you’re allowed to curb-stomp strangers on the streets of Tokyo, you have to deal with the interpersonal conflicts at Kiryu’s orphanage. It’s a weird left turn for the series that might have been a funny troll on the players, ala Raiden in Metal Gear Solid 2, if it wasn’t so sappy and humorless. It feels like the writers want the player to authentically care about the day-to-day struggles of grade schoolers in a series mainly known for shirtless rooftop battles and bloody betrayals. (This kind of overly saccharine writing has an echo in Yakuza 5’s repetitious soliloquys about the power of dreams, but at least there it feels thematically on point.) Rather than sidelining the orphanage stories to optional side quests, the player is forced to deal with them for large chunks of the story. As they have very little direct relationship to the Yakuza storylines, they come across more like filler than fun.

Okinawa is a likeable, tropical locale, an interesting shift for the series, but aside from one extremely memorable side quest in which a gold digger keeps cucking over her obsessive simp, there aren’t that many laughs or reasons to dig for buried treasure. The Yakuza series usually has some hilarious or surprising mini-games tucked away in random corners, rewarding the player for straying from the story and exploring its cities. Yakuza 3 has the flimsiest minigames of any Yakuza game I’ve played, with its chief offender being a painfully tedious hostess club minigame that pales in comparison to the RTS version in the Kiwamis. Maybe the worst part of the hostess club is that you can’t quit out of it early. If you accidentally enter the venue you’re trapped for three rounds of slow walking and boredom. The hitman missions sound cool but just amount to beefed up street fights, and given that the combat here feels a lot sloppier than the other games, they aren’t worth the trouble.

There are a few interesting moments in Yakuza 3. Kiryu tangling with a relentless CIA guy is fun, and a chase through a sex hotel is entertaining. But when you have a whole game series packed with bizarre, quirky action, it’s hard not to write this entry off as a dull misstep and easily the most skippable Yakuza. I kept hoping for clear explanation as to why Kazama Kiryu, the superhuman Dragon of Dojima, decided to give up his life of crime and become a boring orphanage manager, but besides the obvious conclusion that deep down Kiryu is a swell guy, there’s nothing particularly interesting there. This is the only game in the series that I’d say this about (so far) but, it’s not really worth your time.  

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Game Review: Disco Elysium

Play an alcoholic rockstar cop or a moralist sorry cop or a socialist hobo cop in Disco Elysium, a novelistic adventure game that reinvents storytelling in gaming. Imagine Divinity: Original Sin on a shroom trip and you’ll have the scent of it. Elysium is elusive and seductive, disgusting and plodding, ugly and beautiful. It is all of us, a social commentary that accounts for the implausible, a miracle of narrative fiction, better than most (if not all) modern lit. Its pretention is only matched by its obsession with guttural urges and sweet fleeting feelings. It is the darkness and sadness of humanity, an episode of Black Mirror without ending, a suggestion of what’s to come and what came before.

A standard cop game might see shoot-outs a plenty. Not so with Disco Elysium. Wander from misbegotten scene to another like Guybrush Threepwood and have seemingly aimless conversations. Pick from a long string of options that either make your character seem quirky or jaw-droppingly insane. Trigger warnings fail to make an appearance, but delicate sensibilities need not apply, until the warmth swells in your heart and you see the beauty in the madness.

Like a D&D game, Disco Elysium offers you checks and dice rolls. You level up weird qualities with unclear advantages. You can also dwell on thoughts to unlock new abilities (or screw yourself up emotionally). You’re supposed to be solving a mystery but your body is a sack of crap and your head is swimming with substances. Good thing you’ve got Kim by your side to keep you straight. That is, if he, or anyone in this punctured city can be trusted.

Who’s to say you’ll have the same experience I did when playing this game? All roads lead to Revechol but it’s the journey you take to reach your destination that really sets the vibe. Will you recover your badge and gun? Will you help cryptid hunters find the truth? Will you allow local tweakers to run a drug den in a church? These are all optional, but the consequences make them feel like they matter. Finally a story game that accomplishes its own ambitions. No more “Harry will remember that” from those Telltale Games. Real stakes, heart, not just cartoon platitudes about darkness and light.

Your mind speaks to you in Disco Elysium. But you can shut it off if you like. Be an analytical cop running visual calculus. Be a sexist cop with a feminist streak. Be a capitalo-fascist union scab. Revel in your own misery and misdeeds, your inability to change the past. But if Disco Elysium’s message is about the weight of consequence, the inescapability of past, present and future, it also provides a sly smile. Who says disco’s really dead? The spirit’s still alive, baby.

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Stuff I Loved in 2019

The following list showcases the popular culture I most appreciated in 2019, regardless of whether it actually came out in 2019. Consider it a gift to you, capable of instilling in you the taste you so severely lack.

Movies

Parasite

Boon Joon-ho’s genre-defying film Parasite is a must-see, even for those usually put off by subtitles. It’s funny, thrilling and relatable, goading the audience to root for a family whose increasingly selfish behavior threatens to transform them from clever capitalists into full-blown criminals. Impeccably written and full of well-timed surprises, Parasite is the high-water mark for exceptional modern filmmaking.

Midsommar

While not as terrifying as Hereditary, Ari Aster’s brightly-colored follow-up film is still roaring with dread. Anchored by an evocative performance from Florence Pugh, Midsommar tells the story of a woman attempting to process grief while on a trip to a remote village in Sweden. She and her travel companions participate in the village’s midsummer festival, only to discover that beneath the floral crowns and maypole dances something sinister lurks. Midsommar’s visuals alternate between idyllic and horrific, underscoring the movie’s tumultuous central relationship and echoing Pugh’s inner turmoil.

The Favourite

Though it looks more regal than Downton Abbey, The Favourite’s dialogue is as biting and raunchy as Veep. Rachel Weisz and Emma Stone battle for Queen Anne’s favor with darkly funny, occasionally tragic results. The film’s juxtaposition of dazzlingly ornate architecture and foul-mouthed malcontents results in one of the most creative and engaging dramas ever conceived. Olivia Colman won the Oscar for her visceral portrayal of Queen Anne, but all three of the leading ladies deliver career-best performances.

TV Shows

Succession

For those not in-the-know, HBO’s Succession is a witty and gripping drama about a Murdoch-esque family whose penchant for power struggles is fairly Shakespearean. Quotable and clever, Succession delivers as both social commentary and binge-able obsession. Its cast is filled with skilled actors spitting witticisms. Brian Cox leads the ensemble as a cantankerous media mogul in search of an heir. Though it feels a bit icky to care about the people behind a Fox News-style propaganda machine, it’s a testament to the writing and the performances that I can’t wait to root for the Roy family next season.  

PEN15

PEN15 is a brilliantly funny, deeply personal look at what it’s like to be a middle-schooler. Adult actresses and writers Maya Erskine and Anna Konkle play 7th grade girls, while all their classmates are played by child actors. Though the stars don’t always look like little kids, their line-delivery and mannerisms are so pitch-perfect it’s easy to forget. The adults-playing-kids schtick amplifies the inherent awkwardness of puberty. The 7th graders are desperate to seem cool and mature, while still exhibiting the inherent innocence of kids. More than just a nostalgia trip, PEN15 is a portal through time to embarrassing moments adults have either repressed or forgotten.

The Mandalorian

Disney’s first foray into big-budget Star Wars TV is a genuine hit. Much has been written about the show’s scene-stealing cutie, Baby Yoda, but The Mandalorian’s greatest accomplishment is proving that a Star Wars spin-off doesn’t have to focus on revising or explaining the events from the movies. Like the best of the expanded universe stories, The Mandalorian digs into unexplored lore, introduces compelling new characters, and lets viewers explore new corners of the Star Wars universe without marrying everything to a Skywalker. Though the first season suffers from some awkward plotting, it ultimately sticks the landing and sets up some exciting stakes for season two.

Documentaries

Bad Reputation

An inspiring tour of Joan Jett’s musical career, Bad Reputation is a feel-good documentary that made me want to thrash and blast her songs like the young person I no longer am. Though it tends to keep things positive and not dwell too much on the hardships, the core story about a young musician finding her persona onstage and defying people’s prudish expectations was fun and uplifting. One part biography and one part pro-Joan propaganda, Bad Reputation makes up for its lack of twists and turns by being a world-class delivery system for Joan’s music and the fiery spirit of feminism.

Fyre

Fyre is schadenfreude in a bottle. It’s the story of a failed business venture, one that resulted in a bunch of rich concert-goers stranded on an island without access to the luxurious accommodations they’d been promised. It all started when professional douche Billy McFarland sold a brand new music festival to the rich and well-connected. Like Captain Ahab, McFarland sails toward disaster, obsessed with accomplishing his goal even as his crew warns him to turn back. The result is tragic for the concert-goers but deeply satisfying for viewers who enjoy seeing bad things happen to rich people.

Leaving Neverland

Leaving Neverland provides viewers with the most damning testimony available regarding Michael Jackson’s child molestation. The documentary focuses on two men who were molested by Jackson when they were kids, then supplements their accounts with photos, faxes, and other corroborating evidence. Though stomach-turning, the picture that Neverland paints is clear, revealing the systematic way in which Jackson sought out, raped, and discarded young boys. In spite of the trauma, Jackson’s victims try to stay strong and live healthy adult lives, providing inspiration for anyone suffering similarly.

Video Games

Fire Emblem: Three Houses

Three Houses is an addictive strategy game about a Hogwarts-esque academy where you can bond with your fellow teachers and students, thereby improving their strength in battle. The game offers enough customization to make it replayable multiple times, resulting in a good amount of bang for your buck. Though it sometimes lacks the graphical flair of its contemporaries, Three Houses makes up for any shortcomings with loads of quality combat, charm, and romance.

Return of the Obra Dinn

Lucas Pope is one of the most creative game designers of all time. You might recall his previous game, Papers, Please, in which you play as an immigration officer under an authoritarian regime. In Obra Dinn, you play as an investigator tasked with explaining the mysterious deaths of the crew aboard a vessel straight out of Moby Dick. The game’s visuals are monochrome yet vivid, and its music is intoxicating. Using a magical compass you can view the exact moment of each crewman’s death, but it’s up to you to determine how and why these tragic events took place. Obra Dinn is a truly unique game sure to please anyone who enjoys seafaring tales, murder mysteries, and puzzle-solving.

Pokémon Sword & Shield

Despite the controversy surrounding the designers’ decision to omit a slew of Pokémon from the game, Pokémon Shield succeeds because of the series’ latest gimmick, a large open area where changing weather determines which Pokémon will appear. My childhood dream was a game that combined the open world freedom of World of Warcraft with the world of Pokémon, and Shield is one step closer to making that dream a reality. Another added bonus is the game’s setting, a loving parody of modern day England. This means classic Pokémon have updated forms to fit the new region, including a Weezing that looks like industrial smokestacks and a fighting-type Farfetch’d with a leafy blade.

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Game Review: Yoku’s Island Express

Yoku’s Island Express is a pleasant surprise. Its charming visuals and simple yet engaging playstyle outweigh its shortcomings and provide players of all ages with a game worth exploring. I was initially turned off by the title, which seemed to imply that the game would be a ripoff of Yoshi’s Island, one of my old SNES favorites. Many indie games use knockoff titles and artwork to trick foolish consumers into purchasing inferior products. I’d seen Yoku on various game stores for a while, and assumed it was one of those phoned-in pieces of vaporware. Not so! Yoku’s Island Express might as well be called Sonic Spinball but Good, as it shares more in common with that ancient Genesis game than anything Yoshi related. It’s an adventure/exploration game with pinball mechanics starring a lovable dung beetle. If someone had led with those details rather than the lame title, I might have bought it sooner.

Yoku the dung beetle is the new mail carrier for a small island community. Yoku is tied to a stone ball that serves as both a Sisyphus-ian albatross and means of conveyance. Using the triggers on your controller you can flip Yoku’s ball this way and that, like you would with the flippers on a standard pinball machine. These flippers, catapults and trampolines occur naturally all over the island, and you use them constantly to gain altitude, reach collectibles, and complete missions for the island’s inhabitants. The main plot revolves around Yoku needing to gather together the island’s three chiefs in order to save the island god, a big toady-looking beast who has been recently savaged by something called the “god killer.” The god killer aspect of the story feels decidedly inappropriate for a game that looks like a storybook, and in terms of execution, it is probably the game’s biggest misstep. Without spoiling the ending, a third-act twist feels more like a slap-in-the-face than logical storytelling. It’s another example of the modern obsession with surprising the audience rather than aiming for consistency. In general, I will always argue that a twist’s impact is momentary, whereas a good story’s consistency can make it a classic forever.

That being said, no one would dare play this type of game for the story. You’ll be playing to bounce your bug along the map, collecting fruit and unlocking items that help you scale higher and higher. The characters are well-designed and have pleasant dialogue. Everything is piping with personality. The main quest is fairly easy to complete, but there are a bunch of additional tasks to try if you’re the obsessive type. There’s no real incentive to go above and beyond, but if you truly like the gameplay you might be begging for more. I felt that the game’s main story was the perfect length to spend with the title, as things wound down at the exact point when I was getting a bit tired of the pinball-esque looparounds and precision shots.

Yoku’s Island Express is an easy recommendation for children and adults who want something sweet and sunny to distract themselves from the world’s woes. The music is endearing and nothing ever feels frustrating. I had a bit of an issue getting my slug vacuum, yes you read that right, to function properly, but I think it was a problem with my PlayStation controller interacting with my Windows machine and not a fault of the game itself. (For those suffering from the same issue, try releasing the trigger before tapping it again to suck up a slug. Good life advice in general.) As a Game Pass title, this is a must-have. Without Game Pass, I’d wait for a sale and snatch it up for a fun weekend fling. Just don’t go in expecting Yoshi, or you might be begging for a refund.  

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Game Review: Slay the Spire

It’s difficult to gauge the full shape of Slay the Spire, because the game intentionally makes itself such a mess of RNG. Ostensibly the game’s challenge comes from its randomness. The player’s advantage comes from the chance to build a deck of complementary cards that stack together to form a barrage of death to mow down enemies. This is especially evident in the first of three decks the game hands the player, wherein strength and direct combat are the keys to victory. When playing as the Ironclad warrior class, the game’s mix of random chance and strategy hit a sweet spot. It’s only when you move on to the next class that things become a bit hairy and a bit more problematic.

Roguelike games require the developers to craft a replayable loop. Each time the player fails they are forced to begin again, perhaps with a few added advantages such as foreknowledge of the challenges ahead or a few items or abilities they clung onto from the previous run. Slay the Spire, with its dozens of card combinations, allows the player to feel powerful and clever as you stack together card powers that feel overpowered when used in unison. In fact, the game plays best during those rare instances where the RNG works in your favor and you accrue the perfect assortment of cards and relics to make it feel like you’re cheating. In every other instance, you’ll wonder why you aren’t allowed some advantage from previous runs, a single card of your choice, a relic or something else. It becomes quickly clear that the game has been designed with the Wizard of Oz-like stratagem that the player must never see behind the curtain, where the truth of the carnival game lies. In order for Slay the Spire’s loop to be replayable and not easy as pie, the developers needed to make the player’s odds of success so slim they have no choice but to play over and over hoping for that one sweet run.

The basic gameplay is simple enough and should be familiar for fans of Magic, Pokemon: TCG, or Hearthstone. You won’t be buying new card packs here, but you’ll be gaining cards each time you defeat a foe. This works simply and perfectly in the Ironclad run, where the deck consists of basic shields and sword attacks. When you try The Silent, aka the rogue deck, things start to fall apart. You’re supposed to be using sneaky tactics, poison and shivs, but your base card set doesn’t provide you with any of those skills, so you’re forced to grind for them. Of course your chance of picking up any cards that you might need for a successful run are random, even as you select from a few options after each fight or buy cards at the merchant’s shop with your accrued gold. That means you’re already starting at a deficit with your basic deck, unlike in the warrior’s deck where the basic skills you needed to succeed were handed to you. Even a successful-seeming-run can be ended suddenly by a chance encounter with a particular enemy type, and then it’s back to the beginning with your progress undone.

The game tries to seem fair and more roguelike by allowing you to accrue “unlock EXP” which takes forever to do anything, and when it does finally unlock something it merely adds the chance of a few new cards or relics being added to the pool in each run. A magic whale-thing will give you a few seemingly helpful options at the beginning of each loop, but the benefits of each choice are minimal, and when playing as the rogue would be easily outweighed by the addition of a few shiv or poison cards from the offset. The reason for this lack of generosity appears to be because the overall game is incredibly shallow, and if the devs made the odds in the player’s favor you’d be done with Slay the Spire in an hour. To make the game feign depth, the devs decided to screw you over at every turn, giving you more time to ponder why the artwork looks like construction paper.

As a ‘free’ game via Game Pass, this was a fine find, as the initial character’s path through the spire was a fun and engaging one. The parts are definitely there for a fun and addictive game, but the overall experience is more like a slot machine or carnival game, where the fun comes specifically from the player’s ability to ignore how easily they’ve been sold down the river on a boat with a hole in it. If you’re the kind of player living in denial, unable to understand the way the mechanics function, capable of convincing yourself that despite your repeated failures and lack of chances to succeed the developers really do have your best interests at heart, then sure, Slay the Spire will captivate you for hours to come, in the same way a bright light dancing on the wall might captivate a kitten. For anyone with a more thorough understanding of strategy, this game feels broken or half-finished at best.